Special I.P.N. “Zombie Apocalypse” Training Day Event, September 29th, 2012 — New York City
By Aton Edwards, I.P.N. Executive Director, Zombie Slayer
I find all this “Zombie Apocalypse” talk quite fascinating. I thought it was quite clever when the CDC decided to utilize this tongue-in-cheek approach to help motivate people into preparing for disasters and emergencies. Ever since Max Brooks released his “Zombie Survival Guide” several years ago, people can’t seem to get enough of the undead. Movies like Shaun Of The Dead & Zombieland have been packing in the crowds and the upcoming World War Z will probably be a blockbuster despite some recent rumors concerning the direction and script…
Even law enforcement and the military are getting into the act. About a week ago I read a story in the Huffington Post about how they were conducting “Zombie Apocalypse” training in preparation for a virus outbreak. I also know that a Zombie Apocalypse industry has seemingly grown out of nowhere to satisfy the public thirst for all-things-undead. Zombie slaying items such as combat knives, guns, and ammo have been flying off the shelves. People are even investing in Zombie Proof homes!
The reality behind it all is a bit more sobering. Truth is, the Zombie Apocalypse movement is just a metaphor to mask the ugly reality of what would really happen and how we’ll behave when, (not if ) we confront a major world-changing catastrophe. Zombies are bad, but hey — they’re the mindless undead! We however are quite alive and, I might add even in the best of times we routinely do things that would make even a zombie wince.
Don’t try and deny it. Be honest. Humans make Zombies, Dracula, Frankenstein the Wolfman & even Dick Cheney look tame in comparison. Think I’m being a bit too extreme? Ok, how about this … let’s compare. Zombies eat people right? Well — people eat people too. Lots more then you may think. Remember the recent story about Rudy Eugene, a seemingly normal guy, who attempted to eat the face off of Ronald Poppo, a homeless man. Poppo survived, but Rudy Eugene didn’t. He was shot multiple times by a police officer while growling and chewing on Poppo’s face.
They said he was high on a drug called “Bath Salts” when he did it. Turns out it was plain old pot — a substance that mostly mellows people out and gives them the munchies. Most of the time, people reach for potato chips, peanuts, the usual snacks. Eating the faces of of homeless men isn’t something that often happens when some one is high on pot.
To make matters worse, Eugene was followed by several more people across the nation and around the world who decided that they’d like to have a “Manwich” too. It’s the new rage. Or the old one — especially if you know history ’cause the fact is, we’ve been eating each other since we rolled out of Lake Turkana in Africa 100,000 years ago.
For example, most of us are too young to remember the Russian famine of 1921 or, the 872 day-long siege of Leningrad during WWII.
During the famine of 1921, many parents ate their own dead children to stay alive. In Leningrad, once the food delivery & distribution lines got cut off, people resorted to eating the flesh of the dead. Every cat, dog, rat, squirrel, and bird also wound up on the starving residents dinner plates. New Guinea tribesmen ate the hearts and brains of their opponents to gain strength. They usually got something else, a disease called Kuru, the human version of mad cow disease that makes the brain into something that resembles swiss cheese. Oh yeah, did I forget to mention Jeffrey Dahmer?
I rest my case.
Oh yeah - here’s another reason why we (people) are even worse than Zombies. It’s quite simple. Humans have an insatiable appetite for destruction that zombies just don’t.
Sure, they’ll wreck your house while they are chasing you, but that’s only because they are hungry and mindless. We on the other hand are completely conscious of what we do. Starting wars for no particular reason, raping & molesting children, torturing & murdering innocent people, it’s in our DNA.
We’re God’s twisted children on a rampage … wrecking nearly everything we see and touch. Even the planet we live on. Just look at the way we behave in relatively good times.
How do you think we’ll act when things go bad?
So – do you see why we need Zombie Apocalypse training?
Hell … we need HUMAN apocalypse training!
Whatever you want to call it, It is definitely something we all should have and it’s time that I shared some of my “zombie” killing, offensive/defensive skills with all who wish to avoid what will occur when the proverbial “s**t hits the fan.”
Oh, I forgot to mention one last thing … are you aware that there is a large group of people in the US who are stockpiling ammo, weapons and preparing for a new Civil War if President Obama is re-elected? Don’t be foolish and dismiss them as “crazies,” crackpots or right-wingnuts either. There are far too many of them and they mean business. They are also armed to the teeth, ready to roll and waiting for the right time and incident that will light their fuse and set them off.
The re-election of President Barack Obama or as they call him “Barry Soetoro.” could set them off or, it could be something else. Whatever it is, the threat is real.
Make no mistake about this. The government knows what is on the horizon and is taking measures to prepare for it. So should you.
Beginning on the 29th of September, I will be staging a Zombie Apocalypse training class every two weeks as part of our Escape From The Grid self-reliance/preparedness/sustainable living program.
Our first class will be in New York City, at Van Cortlandt Park, 242nd Street & Broadway. It’s a great place to stage a full-on urban survival, zombie-fighting disaster preparedness & response romp. The class begins at 9 AM and ends at Sunset or 7 PM. It will cover a focused group of critical preparedness & survival skills including, cold weather outdoor survival skills, rappelling, firestarting, and numerous other self-reliance/defense/preparedness related survival protocols.
Tickets/reservations for the event are $50 for adults, $75 for couples, $30 for students, $20 for children (must be 14 & up)
You can reserve your place by emailing email@example.com, or call (212) 726-2483.
If you’d like to set up a course in your town or city, contact me directly at: firstname.lastname@example.org.
All who attend are strongly advised to wear work or durable clothes that you don’t mind getting dirty and, to bring a cap, scarf or anything that you use to cover your hair, to protect yourself from insects (ticks).
It’d be great to bring insect repellant too.
I.P.N. Instructors El Tawfiyq Aziz (Dr. Shaka Zulu) and, Margaret Ling will be on hand with LifeStraw water filtersand other critical survival equipment for sale.
I’ll be including the Zombie Apocalypse training in our Ready-UP! America program too. From the looks of things around our nation and world today, it looks like we’re going to need it. I hope never, but as ‘ol Ben Frankiln used to say … “he who dines upon hope will die fasting.”
I don’t plan going out that way. So –
Get ready America -
It’s Zombie Apocalypse time!